High School Sucked

I was never the popular girl and I was never over weight either, even though I felt like I was.  Sometimes people think that if you are thin your life is just perfect, untouchable. But I am touchable, just like a girl who has extra weight or has a scar on her face, I hurt too.

I remember in high school people, use to play; “let run away when we see her because it’s funny”.  I was heartbroken.  Kids are nasty, but they all said “guys think you are pretty, who cares, it is only a game”.  What! But no guys have said that I was pretty or went out with me, how could this be true. But as I became a teenager different comments emerged, “what would you know what struggle is? You're thin!” Followed by a look of smiled hate.  Yeah, I was really untouchable.

So the final yeah of high school came about, I was emerging again.  I was becoming myself, slowly.  People did not like it.  The started to put food into my pencil case when I was not looking, I opened it in the Library and I cried.  I confronted them before our exams (you know the one that tells you what University you can go to), I screamed, yelled made a spectacle of myself. I was going to be heard.  And boy the world did hear me, they all apologised because the whole class saw it, 120 of them.  That was the  last time I spoke to them.

Funny thing is, when my 120 class mates saw this, they realised I had a voice, I feel pain and some of them don’t really care. TEENAGERS.  But the people who did this to me; the ones that created some of the hurt they saw a crazy person, a crazy person who was hurt.  Did it effect them in life, no.  Just me.  They don’t care as I am just a memory, but I am the one dealing with the pain.

What did I learn from all this? I voiced my pain, my hurt and not let it fester inside now.  And since I have, I have people that respect me and I respect them.  I mean, I don’t want to go through life dealing with people the same people in high school, because that was high school and this is real life.

Video Response

This is Stephanie and Andreas this is their Video Response.

This is Mine, Excuse the poor web cam Video

A Friend for Life

I think Stephanie would tell people that we met through a mutual friend, Helen (not her real name) yes, this is true. I guess she would say I met her at her house, yes this is true.  But I met her before that.  I met her at school.  In fact it was my first year high school.  
                                                                         ...
I was sitting in the courtyard with my friend Helen and we were eating sandwiches, I was mocking Helen for having tomato sauce in her sandwich she gave me a taste and I kind of liked it. Then comes this girl with her friends, she said “hello”, to Helen and asked her “what she was doing here?” I thought, we are having lunch.  She was a bit mean to her and I thought she was a bit strange.  Helen assured me that she is a very old friend and that was her way and she is nice too.  Okay... I thought?

And as the days went by, (I am 12 so days are like years) Helen asked me to come up with her to meet her friend.  I had to ask my mothers permission to travel on a bus during a Saturday and I was allowed. This was rare, Mother is very strict. I guess it was meant to be.  So off I went with Helen. We arrive at the apartment, she opens the door, with her white robe on.  I wonder if she realises that it is the middle of the day?  God dammit, it’s that girl I met only a week or so a go.  She introduces herself "Stephanie", and shows me around and made me the best dam sandwich. Lettuce, tomato, chicken, avocado and mayo.  Afterwards we all hung out on the beach near her house.  She was different; she was nice and really funny.

So as the years rolled by, I changed schools and so did she.  We would meet up at  a shopping mall and have donuts after school. She would laugh at me and I would laugh at her.  We were becoming good friends, I understood her and she understood me.  But I always thought she would be Helen’s friend.  Not mine.  But then things changed.  She finished high school.

It was my last year of high school and life took a dramatic turn for me, I was wandering outside my school, feeling lost. And she was just standing outside a cafe, wearing a white fluffy turtle neck jumper and jeans.  Stephanie greeted me with a huge smile and a hug.  We ate sandwiches and hung out.  Right there, thats when I knew it.  She was my friend, a friend for life.

I Remember

So yesterday, Luxe wanted me to reveal her real name. Was it the new image update or was it my blog posts?  It was both, she quoted me. YAY.  But I can guess, no I can feel, she is going through some changes.  I don’t have to know details, I can feel her vibes from the other side of the world.  You see, we are connected; forever. She is my long life friend.

When I think of her, she's super tanned and has long dark brown hair, I laugh out loud.  Why? She is super tanned, and her tan is darker than me and I am naturally tanned. No fair why does she win?  But I win for having the funnest reactions to a situation. She is not as serious as me, as I am just logic and observant with a dash of crazy, where as she is too kind towards a situation, thus leading her into trouble and people misguide her.  But I tell her like it is; BANG! She goes off like a firecracker for they were con artists towards her. 

DON’T MESS WITH HER.I don't.

The most important thing is she is a young at heart, like a child jumping on the beach on a Indian summers afternoon. I can hear her laughing, getting swept away in the moment, seeing her long dark brown hair blowing in the wind. We had many afternoons like this as children, do you remember Stephanie Antonis? I do, I can still smell the sea cockles on the beach next to your house. Do you remember Stephanie Antonis?

Song from our childhood

Sorrento Moon, Tina Arena

Words to you

I am enjoying writing, this is unexpected, really! I hope my words are entertaining. To me this is fun.  In real life I don’t have a millions in the bank or have the perfect life, in fact many will look down upon me and say “pull up your socks”, that’s the clean version. Ha-ha-ha.

I have promised myself to work harder at this, oops I think I just heard my friends getting a bit annoyed. I don’t know what you guys want, but I am always writing from the heart.  So what you see is my soul.  Yeah, I know I think I have just waviered the right to privacy here. ::SMILES SHEEPISHLY::  In fact I was just talking about it yesterday. I never realised it till now. DUH.

But I just want to say I want tell you that I just want to give you my words I want you to show you how I see the world.  I will give you my true me to you, but I beg of you just give me time to unravel a bit.  I am still laying down the foundations.  I know this is a wee bit aimless, but I am just showing my heart.  Here are my words to you. I hope you give show me yours too.

My Freedom

I woke up laughing. I was thinking of my childhood, as bad as it was. There is this one exert in my life where I had enough..

Every week mum with would take us to a lovely stylish restaurant ordering food for her subservients (her two children, Sunny and Saturn). The generous waitress would give us a menu to read, like we had a choice, so we pretend to order the chips and not the exotic healthy food. As the curious girl I was, peers up from her menu looking at other people drinks wanting to have a glass of coke with the red straw. But no. My health nut mother only wants Orange Juice for her children...Sigh. Not even going to bother to ask her, as her head and eyes would rise up with her mouth tightly clenched without, verbally shouting NO!

But this time I have plucked up the courage and a plan! Like every other bored child I had a menu and I can read; most people don't even bother to look at the back page but kids do. Why you ask. It has the dessert and drinks section on it. Right there I saw a loop hole, it was the price.
FRESH ORANGE JUICE $3.75
COKE $1.20

Oh my god! This is the time when you can actually say "YES" to being poor. This is what I said to mother. "ah.. mum.... did you know that orange juice is nearly four dollars and and a fizzy drink is like only one dollar". Heart rate beating, mothers head was rising, eyes were getting larger and darker, the lips oh the lips,.... duuuccck!......"Really?" she spoke, stunned I sat "um yeah, it is on the back page mum" . Everyone on the table opened the menu and all said "wow, it is nearly the same price as the entrée", Mother looks at me and the menu and says "would you like a coke or a fanta?" "sprite" I replied.

That night my brother looked at me like I was a hero I received my Sprite in a glass with a red straw and so did he. Mother order and another entrée with the money she would have spent on our drinks.

So the whole point of the story was that I may had been under tyranny rule but I had found away to break away from it. She blamed everyone for corrupting me, lets just face it, if it was not for that smelly dark cold box she put me in. I would not have found the weak points to get out and smell FREEDOM.

Oh yeah, I know I said I wanted a Coke, but I changed my mined I was 8. And for the record I still hate Orange Juice and all juices. Dam Mother

Happy Birthday

I was never the prettiest girl in High School but I was nice looking girl.  So one day I meet a boy when I was 14 years old he was 15.  He was nice looking too.  You know we were the same kind of status. We hung out and laughed.  I was happy.  

So after a while of courting, flirting I was waiting for those words “do you want to go out with me”, from him.  So it is the afternoon and my home phone rings and it is Chris (not his actual name) and we were talking and laughing.... So he turned around all nervous. I was nervous and excited

“So Sunny, I have known you for a long time now”
“yes”
“I really like you and...” I interrupted “yeah.”
“Well, it’s just I wanted to say that I think you are a nice girl, it’s just that I like Nicola.  I would go out with you but it is just Nicola is well, she is really cool and she knows a lot of cool people. I have been trying to go out with her for ages can you put in a good word”

At this point I am boiling, the social climber..I scream out “WHAT!! You want to go out with my friend, you realise she is actually going out with my friend, you know Michael”

There is silence on the other line. “she is dating some one else and Micheal, why him? Whats so great about him”.  I did not know how to respond to him, I just got mad, he was using me.I was the link to the popular kids,then I told him stupidly “they have a funny chicken dance they do together, because it is funny to do” …..CLICK. The next day I turn 15.
                                                             …...
So years went by. I’ve finished High School, I am blossoming into a woman. I am waiting for my friends outside a bar at night and I decided to go in and get a glass of Orange Juice  while I am waiting. As I am ordering my juice I bump into Chris. He is telling me what he is doing and basically trying to impress me. He is flirting, he likes what he sees. And then he tells me those words. “do you want to go out with me”. I don’t even finish my juice. I just say “NO” I walk away.

I smile and say Happy Birthday.

Learning

There is a few crazy things going on; it means it times let go. If too many things are just pushing you out of the way, listen.  If things are constantly pushing you in the way, figure out what is the lesson you must learn.

Don’t waste your time on people don’t want you, there are others who want you.  Like me, my doors are always open. WIDE OPEN, the key is under the mat for you.  I will tell you my funniest story and you will mock me on how silly I am.  I don’t care, I just care about you.  So if things are crazy, who cares, they are meant to be.  We are creatures who are here to learn, if we don’t learn we don’t accomplish. You get it.

Right now I am learning things the hard and long way.  I have moved from country to country looking for something, what is that something.  PAUSE......  Hell, I don’t know what it is exactly but I decided to do the right thing, went back to school and started to build real friendships. You know accomplishing things.  And you know what? I have learnt a lot of things myself and really creating a new happy beginnings.  Should I have done this a long time ago, maybe but then I would not  be here talking to you with my experiences would I?

I love my life, it is crazy, I have cried a lot because I did not listen or learn, but boy I am doing it now.  I am closing my eyes taking a deep breath and listening.

Soul

People say I have a soul, do you  have a soul?  Of course I have soul, I don't understand this saying. “Sunny you have a soul? I hope you find what you are looking for”.  Does this mean that you don't have one? And I am the crazy fool that does?  I thought everyone has one? I guess I am wrong. Or maybe I am too gentle.

I have noticed that everyone is talking these terms, “A Quest for a Soul”.  I wonder what is everyone is talking about? Why are they searching for this? And when they see some one who does have one, it is deemed as strange.  Am I strange? No, I know I am not. I fall, break, bump into things and then laugh out loud.  

So how do find a soul.  I tell you there is no magic tricks. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe don’t listen just feel all around you.  Do you feel it? That's your soul now listen to it.

Luxe You are My Reason

I was thinking of my friend Luxe, she is going through some difficulty at the moment. She is not taking things well.  But I have to remind her that she is not alone.  I am broadcasting it, so the whole world, universe and Aliens can hear. We are here and we LOVE YOU.  Okay I am not a boy.

There is this kids song from Nickelodeon.

Your the Reason by Victoria Justice.  

I don't even care when they say you're a little bit off

Look them in the eye I'd say I could never get enough

Cuz it's alright keep it together where ever we go

And it's alright oh well whatever

Everybody needs to know

You might be crazy

Have I told you lately

That I love you

You're the only reason that I'm not afraid to fly

This is only part of it, but really you are a bit mad and the reason why I have the courage to do this and live on the other side of the world to do my thing.  Because you're the only reason that I'm not afraid to fly. Just remember that.

Here is the song if you want to listen just click

Your the Reason by Victoria Justice.

Tomorrow Comes

I have always followed what I wanted to do in life.  I never wanted to follow other peoples ideology.  I thought this was strange following the rules of the many.  Most people are not happy, yet they follow unhappiness.  You know that song that from Les Miserable, Do you hear people sing, I do. I heard it when I was a little girl, I always felt a resonance, I felt it was coming from my soul.

I heard this song when I was 7, in fact many things happened when I reached this aged, I grew wiser than my years and I knew that I was destined for a different life compared to my mother.  In fact my mothers life was privileged and harsh, mine was just harsh. I knew I was different, but how.

I grew up and I regressed, I regressed to be true.  What was everyone else doing? Being an adult and doing they think is the  “right thing”, they seem angry.  They silently singing the song of wanting freedom, but their actions speak of drudgery lovingly.  Huh, this does not make sense. But why should they do anything different, it is safe.  I am not playing safe, I am playing me. I singing out loud my freedom and my actions speak of happiness and crazy.  Why, I am free, because life is about to start when tomorrows comes.

The Abbey

Meeting the potential in-laws is nerve wreaking, I hate it.  But I seem to do alright but not always.  There is so much expectations from them, your partner and your self.  But what happens when nothing seems to measure up. SCREWED! That’s what.  I have not had very many experiences of this but the first time I was introduced was strange.

My boyfriend at the time was from another country and I decided to go over and well say hello.  I meet his Mother, and she is lovely and from Ireland.  Now I will have to admit that I can’t understand her as she has a very thick accent and there is nothing I can do about accept for to nod and smile mantra.  But she invited me to come over and we can go for a walk in the countryside and she was going to show me the Old Abbey ruins.  I was thrilled.

Next day arrived and we are being polite towards each other and after the long walk she showed me the Abbey, it was old and ruined, and as I entered it was a graveyard.  Huh? She showed me all the people that was in her family, her husbands family and told me how old this place was.  This was her territory.  Was this a hint? I smiled and nodded like a good polite girl.  We walked back home on that sunny day and even explained to what flowers was what.

So that was my experience on meeting my boyfriends mother from the other side of the world. A sweet old religious lady who showed me the a graveyard masked as a beautiful ruined Abbey in the countryside.  I think I got the message, I  will be good.

Also I would like to add this was my first experience of seeing the beautiful Irish Countryside too.