Do Something

I got a new do, yes a new hair do. I am forever changing. Every time I change on the inside, I change on the outside.  It is something I have to do. It’s an compulsion.  Look, I’m not one of these people who gets tattoos, too painful and way too permanent. LOL.

Okay, some people may say that I’m not satisfied with myself and that why I do this crazy thing.  This goes much deeper than that; I know who I am and what I am.  I’m expressing myself in different ways, new cuts, new hair color, do’s and introduce new colours in my wardrobe. I don’t want to be anyone else other than me! And the only way I can do this, is to show the many multi faceted parts of my life express. ::SMILES::. Otherwise if I don’t I will not live my own complete life, my life path that’s ME!

Right, you may go, how does that work out?  Well, let me give you a hint. Most of us are exterior visual creatures.  What we do on the outside, we will follow through on the inside as well the people who we surround.  It’s an domino effect at it’s best.  The small things are what makes it big.  Your foundation.  You get?

So do something small on the inside, show on the outside and grow!

Following Your Dreams

In the last few days I’ve been in a state of blah.  I had no motivation; I need signs, you see.  Yes, I understand that this is strange, but that how my brain works (that’s how I roll... LOL). So lately I’ve been told I’m a bit overly optimistic. A believer in dreams, and I do believe in them, I’m following them.

So, my dreams are poorly paid.  And not everyone believes in my abilities to achieve because there is hundreds and thousand and millions and billions of people in the world wanting what I want.  Do you know what I do? I look up at the sky, smile and make a wish and do follow my dream.  People get annoyed with this because they believe, I do not live in reality.  Oh, but I do. I really do and I’ve listened to everyones concerns for too long: Not worth it.

I will tell you why it’s not worth it, because that’s their dreams and their ideas, not mine.  And I lived a life of half measures and unhappiness.  I cried everyday, because I was living in someone else ideals.  Then one day, my brain clicked, my 20’s was nearly over.  I enrolled myself in school and started living my ideals and my dreams.  Some people call this Saturn Return, I do call this myself; you can call it what it you like really.

Now I’m finishing up my 20’s and entering my 30’s really soon. And I have started living my dreams but there is a catch always is. You have to listen to yourself and believe.  Now can you do that?

Defending Your Family

I’m going to tell you about a story that I had to be part of.  It’s starts of with my mother who was dating a man, who well as lovely as he was; is a control freak.


So, mother, her boyfriend and I were sitting down and having dinner; we were discussing about her moving in with him.  Now this guy is fairly cautious and as my mother removed the our eaten dishes from the table, the discussion of her stuff came up.  Yes, as women we can accumulate a lot stuff, he was a Spartan, and he came up with this line.


“You can move in but you can’t decorate or anything like that, you have to leave my place as it is” I looked at him and gave him the REALLY look, mother smiled nervously. To me this was a red flag, but I’m not my mother.  So I struck up with a proposal with him. “Well... she can I have one thing, I mean, she can have a say in one decor, of her choosing.” He agreed with only one condition, he approves it first. More red flags.


This is when my mother gets nervous, she knows whats is going to come out of my mouth.  I clear my throat and smile politely and engage in my innocent voice.  “Well all she needs is one small thing, something that’s as big as my small hand”, I bring out my hand, he looks at me with pleased eyes; I continue. “You know why? Because all you need is one small thing to change a whole room, like a pot plant with colour, in your grey and black home. And POW! The focus is on that piece”. Silence fell in the room. He smiled. He left a short while later.


I felt bad for my mother, having to deal with a child like me.  But she knows that if someone crosses a line; better watch out; KAPOW! Here I am with flowers in my hair.  I’m not saying that I don’t like him, in fact we had a lot in common, I really did like him, he was cool.  It’s just I had to speak up for someone who couldn’t do it for herself. Isn’t that what you should do? defending your family.

Hot and Cold

The other day I was watching a boy and a girl playing. It was so sweet, they were talking and playing ‘hot and cold’.  I think I still play this game.  I have no idea what if you know this, but I will give a quick run down. You hide an object and the other person has to find it, and the only response or clue you can give them, is hot for being close or cold for not.  This game is loads of fun, and I spent hours playing it when I was young.

Now, I can see the irony of this game because this game is taught from one child to another over the ages and play it till the day we die.  I mean, I play this when I go out in the real world hot for getting close to me, cold for saying something stupid and I leave.  And so does he.

This game can be frustrating too, because we only get to listen to the words ‘hot’ and ‘cold’, but if you watch closely you know who are the real game players. The ones who really want to play with you.  How do you know? The one who is searching for the object not only hears the words but listens to your excitement, your face when it lights up because your so dam close to the object, then you have your body language trying to hide everything. Yes he is watching you, intently and intensely.  He found it, under the covers behind that thing next to it. Crazy hiding place huh?

Here's the real ending, he picks up the object and hands it to the girl who can’t keep quiet in every conceivable way and looks at her smiles and says, “it’s your turn”. And she returns the favour. They play this game for hours, giving each other hints some more obvious than others and sometimes even years together. Because that's the real prize, each other.

Fix You, Fix Me

Are you the saviour of your friends. There for them when they fall apart; pick up the pieces and glue them together, till they feel happy again.  Like brand new person again.  I do, in fact it stems deeper than that. I’ve been doing this since I was a child.  

A child you are saying? Yes, I come from a broken home and I saw my mother fall apart at the seams, when her marriage broke up and the time when my baby brother died from Cot death. It happened such a short time too. When she was heart sick, I came into the picture and filled in the gaps for my family.  Okay I was never the kid that did the cooking and cleaning but I was the child that emotionally held it together for everyone.  A shoulder to cry on.

Some people may think this is terrible for  a young child, but this is the realities of broken homes, dealing with broken. Yes this is sad, I’ve unintentionally become more compassionate towards others. And yes there is a dark side of this; people have an expectation of me being their saviour, and I play along, while I fall into the background.

I save people, but people don’t save me.  I’m not blaming them, I blame myself for forgetting me, that little girl from way back when, drying the tears of my broken mother.  And now I’m a mother, yes our home is broken, but I am the under deniable saviour, because I want to fix you.

I'm Back

I’m back! Sorry I was doing some important stuff, like trying to pass my exams.  I know I should have done this years ago, ten years to be exact. But I thought it was about time to actually complete something.  This is my third time in entering tertiary education. The first one was Marketing, then Law, then Health, and now Advertising and Public Relations. Okay obviously I can’t count, this is my forth time.

YAY, I’ve finished!

I should continue on with more studies, but I will need more time to think about it, because I’ve just entered the aftermath of  “WHAT NEXT?”

So what IS next?...

Fixing all of the mistakes that I’ve made and creating new roads that I need to be lead. One thing is for sure, I’m doing more blog posts. I love it. There is something alluring about it. This is what happens when you’re in the middle or close nearing the end of your Saturn Return. Because, new life happens.

M.I.A

Holy Smack-A-Doodles, Where Am I?

Have no fear, I've been doing some stuff that is currently interfering with my ability to post. I will be back and the 16th of May 2011.


Kisses!