My Loss

So recently I have been dealing with loss. It’s hard. It does change you, you can feel it. I don’t know if I am ready to talk about it, I do feel fine, but crying all day and night for the next ten years,  is not going to solve anything or bring them back. I have cried till there was no more tears and now I have to get up from my chair and carry on.

I understand that every one grieves differently and I am not a wallow-er, this is not my style in fact I’m calm in a time of crisis. Some people may view this as cold or upstanding. But the truth is this is how I deal. To me I detach. I think this is wrong. I do feel, in fact I feel till I bleed out; I bleed out fast. And then detach. I’m trying to process the hurt and the pain into happiness. And tell people happy stories of what they were like, silly and funny. I try to celebrate them. I guess this is what you may call: What does a happy-go-lucky person do when dealing with a devastating loss.

The thing is, it is changing me, especially since this person was the main thing that kept me stable. And now I have to learn to be stable by myself. I am not going to fall from grace. No! I have a daughter. I have a family; her family died. We need to honour and do what he wanted if he were alive and that is to live and live your dreams.