She Smiles

I have noticed something funny, young love. The kind of one where they are too young to understand that they have a connection. So they play and chat together, just hanging out with each other because thats all they want to do. Life is easy.

I look at them day by day, she sits downs tells him stuff, he stand in front of her playing with his brand new ball then starts to sit next to her and responds to her ways. Oops, there's his friends coming up, he just waves and still sits with her. She smiles back. They both get up and start walking around the neighbourhood; the boy gives away his brand new ball to his mates to play with, just to hang out with her. They are sharing secrets.

The day is growing old and tired. But their moments have just being created. The street lights are starting to flicker, their names are being called in the background, its time to come home. She leaves first as her mother said so, she turns around smiles then waves good-bye; he waves back and both staring at each other until she turns the corner.

Its the next day, he knocks on her door and she smiles.

Convention

My mother was a  DJ and was good at her job. But she left that career choice for a life that was more “suitable”. She had children you know, and a single parent.  To me I thought this was a wrong choice, even though I was very young at the time, but I knew that this was my mother. Her true self.

She has taught me how to speak on a microphone, listening to the beats and rhythm of a song and compose myself in public, whether I liked it or not.  As the years grew and she did a 9-5 dead end job she grew more and more unhappy. Unfortunately this affected us as children, I guess having family members passing away didn’t help matters. But you would think this would have given her a wake up call to do the things you love: Life is short.  Yet it didn’t.

I feel for her. Because I know that most of her misery is due the fact she made life choices that was deemed as conventional, and when you are a unconventional person, living the conventional life; life is hard to maintain. People around you suffer, like us kids did.  We never got to know our mother as a happy one, well she was only around for a short time. I only know her in my mind as “miserable”.

So now I am making life choices, I have to decide whether I follow my dreams - unconventional  choices or do what is conventional by society standards. I think I am going to learn from my mother mistakes. Take the route thats tough and scary. I may get a few fingers wagging at my face, though.

Life is short, you know?

Putting You On Hold

People like to put people on hold. I call them inconsiderate. Okay this may sound like a rant, but when you think about it, it is annoying. I have things to do and places to be. And then they make it out that you are inconveniencing them or you don’t have your things in order. You do, because you have it all prepared.

So I don’t want to go into details but I just want to pose a question. If they put you on hold does that mean you are not important to them? It just might be.

Now I am not talking about corporations, I am talking about the people in your life. They say they will do, but never fulfill. This is very heartbreaking for me. As I always put my heart and soul into everything I do. This is bred into me, this is where I come from. But now I see that this may not be a very good idea as people don’t see life this way. I think they see life as:  whats more important first, then the rest.  Am I the rest?

Well, personally I am not the rest. I think I am pretty nice. Maybe I could be wrong, and have my priorities all wrong. And if I do, I will figure it out pretty soon.

Multi-Dimensional

I have never been very good at injecting myself into society. Well, thats what I think. I guess most people would say that I am, personable? Maybe this is true to a point. But I don’t really like this type of description about me.

The other words that coincide with this personable word, would be composed, well put together and just a nice girl next door.  I really wonder at people. I find it that people judge others without actually getting to know them. But they really can’t be bothered to really to get to know another unless there is something they will get from you. Be as it, you may be a good looking trophy or another step up on the ladder of looking good. BORING.

Now, I will admit that I love getting to know people on a deeper level. People may not like this, but I really want to know the person; alas, most people don’t want you to know them, so I lose out.

A really smart person told me, after I scared the living daylights out of all of his friends.
“People don’t really want to know all of the answers to their questions, they just do it out of being polite. Just stick to the weather and say “yes” and “no” to their questions”. This is when I knew that people will never really know me and I won’t really know them. This makes me sad, but I understand it. We are all guarded, protecting ourselves from harm. For all they know I could be a crazy person planning to destroy them buy humiliating them. (Yeah, I don’t get it either).

But the fact remains as it is. I can’t quite inject myself in society so easily as others, I don’t have the constructs of lighter minded person. I just want to know too much. I just want to show the world that I am multi-dimensional.