Wanting to Shine

I was always the shadows. Always someone else, person. I never was invisible, I was always visible. I was always partnered up with someones identity. I’ve never understood why, in some ways I still don’t understand why I that happened. I do have a bubbly personality and I love to smile everywhere I go. I know I am happy person.

But growing up, I was stuck in the shadow, it’s cold and dark. People always called me any other name accept my own. I’ve always asked, “why don’t you remember my name, I’m louder than them?” The couldn't’ give me a response. I try to shine brightly, but people squashed it. Apparently l was not allowed to have this.

I remember, in high school people put butter and pepper in my pencil case everytime I stepped out of the shadow. I had a lot of incidences like this. I cried a lot growing up. But then the I meet a boy who taught me to stand up for myself. And everytime I crawled back into the shadow, he pushed me out there. But I always stayed under his wing. See, still in the shadow. Then the unthinkable happened. He left.

Alone, suffering and living in the shadow. Now, no one is forcing me in the shadow. I’m forced out in the sun. But I don’t wanna, cos, I don’t know how to? So, I look deep down in my soul to find the answers. And it told me to shine from within the shadows.

Here I am, starting to shine; hopefully. But I’ve noticed that the shadow is no longer a shadow, but a room and the room is no longer a room but open air. And with that open air  there is a whole world, people who are starting to shine out brightly in the shadows; just like me. I’m trying to connect with them. And they are trying to connect with me. I want them to walk out of the darkness like me. And shine and bathe in the sunlight.

Here we as individuals, no longer crying, no longer living in others dreams or ideals. We are free.

Where am I? I’m starting to shine. Brightly. Hey, I did start by adopting the name Sunny.