Hot and Cold

The other day I was watching a boy and a girl playing. It was so sweet, they were talking and playing ‘hot and cold’.  I think I still play this game.  I have no idea what if you know this, but I will give a quick run down. You hide an object and the other person has to find it, and the only response or clue you can give them, is hot for being close or cold for not.  This game is loads of fun, and I spent hours playing it when I was young.

Now, I can see the irony of this game because this game is taught from one child to another over the ages and play it till the day we die.  I mean, I play this when I go out in the real world hot for getting close to me, cold for saying something stupid and I leave.  And so does he.

This game can be frustrating too, because we only get to listen to the words ‘hot’ and ‘cold’, but if you watch closely you know who are the real game players. The ones who really want to play with you.  How do you know? The one who is searching for the object not only hears the words but listens to your excitement, your face when it lights up because your so dam close to the object, then you have your body language trying to hide everything. Yes he is watching you, intently and intensely.  He found it, under the covers behind that thing next to it. Crazy hiding place huh?

Here's the real ending, he picks up the object and hands it to the girl who can’t keep quiet in every conceivable way and looks at her smiles and says, “it’s your turn”. And she returns the favour. They play this game for hours, giving each other hints some more obvious than others and sometimes even years together. Because that's the real prize, each other.

Heartbreak

So by popular demand, I will write about heartbreak.  

I hate to say good bye, it is so hard, it makes me cry and I never want to let go.  When I stood there in front of the man I loved, trying to tell him I can’t be with him was hard.  But little did he know that I was battling with this feeling for months, as he slept upstairs I was downstairs crying at the kitchen table trying to fall back to, in love with him.  He thought I was watching television.

In the dead of the night I would be thinking of the lovely things he did for me, the text messages he would send me.  I would smile and that would convince me till morning, but then he would wake up kiss me good morning, I would roll over and feel nothing and so the heartbreak would start all over again.  I knew I had to say something soon.

He came home from work, I struggle to look at him.  I stood there.  I blurted it out.  I don’t remember much as there was yelling and screaming and crying.  We were over.  Then some days later he asked me, “how could you just stop loving me?” I could not respond, he glares at me, “you want the whole world, you want everything, you can’t have it all”.  He is right, he looks down and says “I love you”. I was shocked, I stepped back and my heart broke, I felt no love. This was the man who I loved with the very fibre of my soul; gone.

In truth he was right I want the whole wide world, but the world I want, is not the one he can give me and that is my heartbreak.