I was never the popular girl and I was never over weight either, even though I felt like I was. Sometimes people think that if you are thin your life is just perfect, untouchable. But I am touchable, just like a girl who has extra weight or has a scar on her face, I hurt too.
I remember in high school people, use to play; “let run away when we see her because it’s funny”. I was heartbroken. Kids are nasty, but they all said “guys think you are pretty, who cares, it is only a game”. What! But no guys have said that I was pretty or went out with me, how could this be true. But as I became a teenager different comments emerged, “what would you know what struggle is? You're thin!” Followed by a look of smiled hate. Yeah, I was really untouchable.
So the final yeah of high school came about, I was emerging again. I was becoming myself, slowly. People did not like it. The started to put food into my pencil case when I was not looking, I opened it in the Library and I cried. I confronted them before our exams (you know the one that tells you what University you can go to), I screamed, yelled made a spectacle of myself. I was going to be heard. And boy the world did hear me, they all apologised because the whole class saw it, 120 of them. That was the last time I spoke to them.
Funny thing is, when my 120 class mates saw this, they realised I had a voice, I feel pain and some of them don’t really care. TEENAGERS. But the people who did this to me; the ones that created some of the hurt they saw a crazy person, a crazy person who was hurt. Did it effect them in life, no. Just me. They don’t care as I am just a memory, but I am the one dealing with the pain.
What did I learn from all this? I voiced my pain, my hurt and not let it fester inside now. And since I have, I have people that respect me and I respect them. I mean, I don’t want to go through life dealing with people the same people in high school, because that was high school and this is real life.
Bullying in school is horrible and painful because it comes at a time when we are in our most vulnerable years. When I was 13 boys used to bark at me when I walked down the hall, and I ate lunch with my teacher a lot. I never thought I would survive it.
ReplyDelete@Sara the boys did that to you. That is so cruel. Thank god we survived, plus living millions of miles away helps. :)
ReplyDeleteI dropped out of high school because of crap like that. I was told that things would be different out of school, in college and beyond, and didn't believe it. I wish I had - and I also wish that I'd retained that confidence in myself, rather than shrinking from the world.
ReplyDeleteI found several of my bullies in a school facebook group, two years ago, and last year, finally admitted that I'd been suicidal when I dropped out. People need to pay attention and stop thinking that it's just kids being kids. :( I was amazed at how much pain I still had inside me, after so many years, but I don't know why - they changed me. The almost constant alienation and self-esteem trampling - kids laughing when I finally couldn't hold back some tears.
♥
@Salali, yes I understand you, I too was in so much pain and people did not see it. This did have a massive effect on me. I still remember the laughter of those kids.
ReplyDeleteBut we are still here. And I am stronger.