Standing the Test of Time

I've been friends with my best friend Stephanie, since I was a fresh face teenager. The truth is, we were never friends on the first day we met. Our friendship blossomed and took its time. I honestly believe that she is the only person I've ever did the whole relationship with another person, right.

When I first met her she was a mess; I was a mess too. Reaching into our teens was awful. We were both subjected to bullying and family life was not perfect. But we both had a friend in common, who was the opposite of us. This friend was consistent and grounded and gave us some tips. But Stephanie and I relationship stood the test of time. We taught each other art of laughter, being silly, kindness and healing.

As the years went by in our teens, we bonded and cared for each other. We also started to be real with each other. I still remember meeting up with each her, after school in the shopping centre eating donuts (something we both would never ever dream of admitting eating that crap now). Constantly roaring and laughing about something naughty, checking out other blazer school boys like us, blazer school girls. Most of the time they wouldn't look at us, we didn't care; we had milkshakes and donuts! The truest of fact.

We're now getting older, and hopefully a little wiser. We've gone through so much, but what breaks our hearts is the fact we live on different sides of the world. And everyday we look out of our window pain wondering, “what is she doing?” So, frantically we email each other on our phones about anything, but most of all our deepest darkest secrets. I tell her to be a little kinder and she tells me to stop dreaming. I'm a idealist; she's a realist.

Most of all she is my bestest!

Wanting to Shine

I was always the shadows. Always someone else, person. I never was invisible, I was always visible. I was always partnered up with someones identity. I’ve never understood why, in some ways I still don’t understand why I that happened. I do have a bubbly personality and I love to smile everywhere I go. I know I am happy person.

But growing up, I was stuck in the shadow, it’s cold and dark. People always called me any other name accept my own. I’ve always asked, “why don’t you remember my name, I’m louder than them?” The couldn't’ give me a response. I try to shine brightly, but people squashed it. Apparently l was not allowed to have this.

I remember, in high school people put butter and pepper in my pencil case everytime I stepped out of the shadow. I had a lot of incidences like this. I cried a lot growing up. But then the I meet a boy who taught me to stand up for myself. And everytime I crawled back into the shadow, he pushed me out there. But I always stayed under his wing. See, still in the shadow. Then the unthinkable happened. He left.

Alone, suffering and living in the shadow. Now, no one is forcing me in the shadow. I’m forced out in the sun. But I don’t wanna, cos, I don’t know how to? So, I look deep down in my soul to find the answers. And it told me to shine from within the shadows.

Here I am, starting to shine; hopefully. But I’ve noticed that the shadow is no longer a shadow, but a room and the room is no longer a room but open air. And with that open air  there is a whole world, people who are starting to shine out brightly in the shadows; just like me. I’m trying to connect with them. And they are trying to connect with me. I want them to walk out of the darkness like me. And shine and bathe in the sunlight.

Here we as individuals, no longer crying, no longer living in others dreams or ideals. We are free.

Where am I? I’m starting to shine. Brightly. Hey, I did start by adopting the name Sunny.

Broken Us.

So I went out last night, and it was unexpected. But as I was just hopping around from one place to another, my friend wanted to dance. Sure I'm all for it. But when you want to go the dancefloor and it's kind of dangerous and it smells, why would you want to be there, just becauce you think it's an easy access to meet guys?

So, I dragged my friend away from the dancefloor and come up to the open air terrace to meet people. She didn't want to, because her belief system is, “you can't meet guys like this?” I'm curious about this statement. I proceeded to tell her if you keep still and make yourself available you will meet a guy. She cries out “I am available, and I don't look like you!”

Okay I am a petite size, but there is hundreds of girls out there who are, but attracting a guy is not about being the hottest thing on the street, it's about keeping still and allowing the flow of your true energy reach out to the masses. Yes, I do send out that “I'm available signal”. But not I'M AVAILABLE! I just send out, I'm approachable for a chat, and I'm a bit silly too! I allow myself to glow from within. Or is that just me?

Anyway, as we were upstairs having a chat, she was still upset, because she wanted to meet guys at the dancefloor, even though some guy hurt her on the dancefloor and ended up crying. I'm confused. I don't understand why she would put herself in that much pain! I mean the dancefloor gave a whiff of bad egg smell, I thought that would have given her a red flag. But it didn't, she still continued to stay on the dancefloor to meet a guy. Even if it does seem like a really bad idea.

I guess us sisters are broken, I wish I could fix it. But I can't but I will just stand her guiding her.